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12:20am 04/12/2006
mood: mischievous

Does anyone here believe that I'm a virgin now??


Didn't think you would, but I am!!

My English teacher would be proud...   
12:29am 30/07/2006
mood: nostalgic
Open a book, a dictionary, a newspaper. Pick a word on the page. Write an essay about it. I picked up a fairy story. This is what I got.


Isn't it funny how every story ends with a Happily-Ever-After? Have you ever wondered what happened after you close the book? Or after the end credits roll? Did they continue in their fairy-story or did reality come crashing down? Did Ariel ever wish to go back to the sea? Did Snow White ever miss the dwarves?

It's been said that a Happily-Ever-After is just a story that hasn't finished yet. Despressing huh? But how far is that true? Am I just being cynical? Or am I one of few who can truly see reality? Personally, I'm still waiting on my Happily-Ever-After, trust me, it's long over-due. Fairy stories are rarely analysed. Dismissed as children's books, they are largely unnoticed by critics. But I discovered something when I actually sat back and read between the lines.

The main characters were happy, even before they reached the ever-after. Didn't Ariel have fun with Flounder? Wasn't Snow White happy with the dwarves? They had shining moments, maybe of only a few milliseconds, where they were truly happy. They didn't need a Prince to come and sweep them off their feet. They had their friends, and that was enough.

So then it got me thinking about my life. My dream for my Happily-Ever-After. Maybe me and Snow White have a bit in common. Alone, no parents, lost in the world. And then you meet the most amazing people, who remind you that the world isn't so bad. Yeah, I still have no parents, I still miss my brother, but I'm not alone anymore. Sometimes, before the guilt kicks in, I'm truly happy. And for those 5 seconds, when I forget that my brother has died, when I forget that no one else in this world shares my blood, I'm the happiest girl alive. I live for those 5 seconds. I've slowly learned to let go of my past. To treasure it and cherish it, but to not allow it to rule my life. To look back and remember the good times. The way my brother would call me 'Kissa mom' the way his hair smelled after a bath, the way he would ask, just before bed, to 'Kiss me Kissa'. Snapshots of a past life that shouldn't make me cry, but should make me smile; for the girl I used to be, the life I used to live. If I do cry, they will be happy tears, shed in the arms of my best friend, who doesn't need to ask why I am crying, who doesn't need to speak to comfort me.

So maybe a Happily-Ever-After doesn't need to include a prince. The bad guy may not always have to be destroyed. The fair damsel may not want to be carried away on a white horse by a man in shining armour. Maybe the fairy tales have got it wrong. Maybe a Happily-Ever-After is about having friends who can tell you what's wrong, before you even know yourself. Perhaps it's being able to look back at the past, not with regret, but with a sad fondness for days gone by. Maybe it's about looking at how far you have come, the obstacles you have beaten. Maybe it's the fact that even after you have suffered through hell, you are still able to be nothing but happy, for a whole five seconds.

Maybe I already have my Happily-Ever-After.

Maybe it's not about the Happily-Ever-After at all.

Maybe it's about the story.
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01:06am 15/05/2006
mood: confused
Ok so I have a slight problem, well not a problem as such but more of a question. When do you stop 'seeing each other' and begin 'dating?'. I've been seeing this guy for about 2 to 3 weeks, you know nothing serious just meeting up for drinks and hanging out and such. I've been busy with uni at the moment, I have my finals this week, so this sort of casual thing works for me, no proper commitment or anything like that and he sayd the same thing, he just took his exam for work so he is now a professional joiner. So we happened to meet up on Friday night by accident, I was in the pub with my friends and he walked in with his. So anyway, both groups of friends (mine and his) were sitting around the pool table, the boys sulking 'cause we beat them :P when one of his friends tries it on with me. I, in my drunked state, figure he's just being friendly and I talk to him like I would talk to anyone. Then I notice Joe (the guy all this is about)giving me dirty looks, so I go and talk to him. I ask whats wrong and he says something about his girlfirend flirting with his friends then in the next breath says that I can do what I want considering we aren't dating...I'm confused!! Are we dating or not? I haven't spoken to him since because I've been so busy lately and I guess I really need to ask him, but what do you guys think? Are we together or not??

And this post made hardly any grammatical sense and I apologise for probably confusing you all with my nonsenseness :P
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11:16pm 11/05/2006
mood: annoyed
I swear to God I'm so pissed off right now. I've never been so annoyed in all my life.

So first of all, my new manager at work is a bitch. She has absolutely no dance experience yet thinks she can run a dance company AND tells me how to plan my lessons. Stupid whore. I swear to God if I could get away with it I would totally kill her.

Second of all: Men. I absolutely hate them right now. My best friend is a diamond, he really is. But the rest? urgh. Even the ones who are just my friends are really annoying me, especially one called Nick. Now you're going to be hearing a lot about Nick (Lucky you :P), we have major issues yet someone always end up friends again. The lastest row is over me saying that sometimes it is right to lie. Like for instance, I absolutely loathe my friends boyfriend, but I lie and tell her that I like him. That's the right thing to do in my opinion right? Less tension, less hostility, more happy friend. Right? Apperently no, I'm 'immorral' to lie and that particular lie makes me two-faced. I mean come on! What am I meant to say? 'I really hate your boyfriend and hope he gets run over by a truck?' Grrr. And now my ex is behaving like a dickhead as well. I think men should be caged or something. *wishes*

And thirdly why the hell do people lie about their family dying as a way to get attention???? I had a member PM me saying that her 13 year old twin sister died in childbirth and could she make an honour thread for her, so I hardly believe her now but I give her the benefit of the doubt. THEN I get a PM from someone who then said he was their triplet and how glad he was I said a thread could be made. I mean come on, is it just me or is that a total lie?? What really annoys me is that my parents and brother *did* die in a car accident whn I was 14. That was obnviously one of the hardest times for me, yet she is spouting off lies like that purely to get attention.


Okay, so I apologise for ranting so much, but things kind of got ontop of me, I promise to be happier next post!

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10:07pm 09/05/2006
  Ok, so I finally figured I should get one of these LJ thingies...so now I just need to figure out how to work the stupid things. See, stuff like this confuse me, I tried to get a My-space thingy as well and ended up deleting it 'cause I was so confused. Meh, go figure huh?

Oh I'm Alyssa by zee by, more commonly known as Kissa. <3
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